An update – thank you all for your concern. The allergic reaction excitement continues. Pleased that the rash seemed to be receding, I went to bed last night only to wake up today to an image of seriously botched botox, staring me in the mirror. Mindful that my email from the doctor said ‘if it goes to your face go to the doctors immediately’, I drag a fisherman of my acquaintance from his bed so he can come and collect me to drive my delightful trout pout to the hospital; the doctors’ surgery being closed on Saturdays.

I am duly ummed and ahhed over. I was a bit disconcerted that the doctor didn’t think my mouth looked swollen. I know she doesn’t know what I normally look like but seriously, do people actually have upper lips stuck out this far without cosmetic intervention? I am given some steroids, about 8 tablets all to be taken at once – seems a bit extreme. I suppose now I will be able to train for sports such as weightlifting.  I am ‘monitored’ for two hours. By this time I have been sat in my mask for four hours without respite. They sure aren’t fun, especially if you only have one with you. Wear them though folks, it is important. I am called back to the consulting room. ‘Has it gone down?’ I am asked. Well being as my mouth has been covered in a mask for the last four hours and I don’t have access to a mirror, I have no idea. I opt for, ‘It is probably about the same.’

I am free to go, with more medication, a ‘just-in-case’ epi-pen and instructions to follow up with my GP. I decide I will do the handwashing thing. Forget twenty seconds, even two seconds is a challenge as water only comes out of the tap when you are pressing it and there is no plug in the sink. I fail to successfully master rubbing my hands together under a running tap when one hand is pushing the tap down. I decide against using my foot to press the tap. I head to the pharmacy. I am handed my drugs. ‘This will keep you awake’ she says; just what an insomniac needs. Well, I suppose it will counteract the ‘this will make you feel drowsy’ one.

Time to summon the fisherman of my acquaintance from wherever he has been lurking to try to avoid car park charges. Being a former Girl Guide I am well prepared. I have my emergency phone with me. The only trouble is it seems to have been deactivated because I haven’t had to use it in an emergency, or indeed for any other reason, for some considerable time. I can still make emergency calls. I am not sure dialling 999 for this purpose will be welcome. It seems it will still allow me to text. I send a progress report. The trouble is I have never quite got the hang of how you do spaces, so all my words run together and capitalisation is random. Unfortunately, the recipient, who hasn’t got his reading glasses, struggles with ‘HavEbeeNmoniterDfortWohourscAngohoMenowphOnenOtwoRking’. Reception are willing to phone on my behalf and back home I go.

My fingers are also a bit swollen but I have been able to remove my rings, in case they get worse. One finger has had a ring on it continuously since I was eleven. If feels really weird. Still no idea what caused this but as of this evening I do look less pouty. Sorry/not sorry there is no photographic evidence. It was not a pretty sight and I did have other things on my mind! God bless the NHS, all this has cost me precisely zero. Even if I’d had to call an ambulance, zero. Worth every penny of our taxation and I for one would be happy to pay more tax to support it.