No sooner was one holiday over but another, slightly less restful, holiday began. The family spent the last week at Centre Parcs in Sherwood Forest aka how quickly can we wear Granny out. We travelled up the previous day in order to be ready for the first day, as we could use the park from 10am, even though the accommodation wasn’t available until later. Leaving after lunch, we ate in a Harvester. I had a two for the price of one main course offer and on the strength of that, was persuaded to have large chips. I have a big appetite but this was a bridge too far even for me. I retreated to the mini dessert afterwards. Then it was on to our Travel Lodge for the night. This was elusive and at one point we tried with both the sat nav and Google maps, neither of which was very successful. We made it in the end.

On day one, the plan was to walk round Sherwood Country Park, which is partnered with the RSPB, while we waited for the others to arrive. Firstly, we couldn’t find the car park and then a misleading arrow meant that we got lost yet again getting from the car park to the visitors’ centre. The resulting walk round Edwinstowe led us past the church where, allegedly, Robin Hood and Maid Marion got married. I guess you might as well milk every tourist appealing legend that you can. Although the Country Park, once we found it, was lovely and I would have been happy to spend longer there, it was of course a mistake, as we hadn’t anticipated the amount of walking still to come. The park was peppered with placards with corny Robin Hood related jokes, which seemed a bit unnecessary.

Continuing a theme, Centre Parcs also eluded the sat nav but we found our way eventually. Troops assembled, we had some lunch in Starbucks and looked round until we could get into our lodges. In my naiveite, I hadn’t realised that we could have paid extra to reserve specific lodges and one lodge was a mile away from the other two. We were in a studio lodge and it is impressive how secluded these seem, despite the vast numbers of lodges and people on site. Randomly though, there was not a single drawer in the accommodation, apart from in the kitchen. We resorted to keeping our undies in our bags. Once unpacked, we were supposed to park in the main car park but there was insufficient space, so we were told to remain parked by our lodges.

By 4.00pm it was time for curling for most of us. This was ‘fake’ curling as there was no ice, no mad brushing and the stones were on wheels, some of which kept falling off but it was great fun. All three children managed to get a stone ‘on the button’. Then it was time for our long walk to the Dozing Duck for a meal. Still full from the previous day, I managed to be allowed to have a child’s lasagne. We then repaired to a lodge for me to open slightly belated birthday presents and eat cake. The day’s step count was nearly 20,000, probably the most I’ve done since I started counting them and far more than was comfortable. I acquired some impressive looking blisters on my little toes in the process.

The following morning, having parked where we were told on day one, we woke to notices and text messages telling us to  move our cars. Hoping to save money by doing at least some self-catering, we made an early morning trip to Tesco, managing this time not to get lost. By the time we got back, we were parked in the furthermost car park. Just before lunch was an ‘electric boat’ trip on the lake, chosen as it was something that we could all do. We had two boats between us and enjoyed the beautiful weather. The wildlife on site is impressive and I was trying to keep track of all the different birds, These include Canada and Greylag geese who knock on the patio doors each morning, hoping to be fed. Given half a chance, the geese and the many squirrels will come inside the lodges.

After this, we hired a tennis court; my role appeared to be that of ball girl. We cooked our own tea, except that it took half an hour to realise that it wasn’t actually cooking, as we had failed the ‘how to  light the oven’ initiative test. We then went to watch the others cooking their meals on the barbeque and trying not to impale themselves with lethal-looking marshmallow forks.

Most of us went swimming on day three. This is a water park not a conventional swimming pool and there were whirlpools, slides and rapids. The changing rooms were enormous and given that, once changed and minus my glasses, I can’t see, it was another initiative test to work out how to find the pools. I made the mistake of blithely following some of our party down the rapids. Having been buffeted along, fortunately, I did spot an escape route before the final plunge. This meant that my family members who were ahead of me wondered if I had been drowned en route. Most of my time was spent being at one or other end of a slide to supervise those who were going down.

I discovered that the site shop sold delicious toffee and honeycomb cake. Some of the younger party members tried fencing while another had a go at Segway. The weather was really in our favour, with temperatures in the twenties. In between activities, board games were played. I was going to look at the nature trail but got diverted to game playing instead. I returned to my chalet after an evening of board games. Our spooky tracking app wasn’t working so there were concerns that I hadn’t made it home safely. More weirdly, according to the app, my travelling companion seemed to  be haunting the Astro Turf pitch at 10pm. Concerned members of our group sent out a search party but he was safe in the lodge where he should have been.

Our last full day was another day of lovely weather and plenty of walking. We began with board games and then most of us did laser tag. After a game of pool, we all ate at an onsite restaurant, where the service wasn’t exactly swift, although, to be fair, it was packed. The waitress claimed that she could remember our eight dessert choices. It turns out that she couldn’t but we were told that we could have the incorrect dessert that was delivered for free, meaning that the ninth person in our party could also have a dessert. They did try to charge us for this ‘free’ dessert but we managed to spot this in time.

While packing up was being done on the final morning, I decided that I would walk across to the other side of the site to try to see the nature park but it was closed. The last activity was climbing for the three youngest members of our group. We decided to take a photograph of us all together. Trying to get nine people in place was like juggling jelly and we had to negotiate who was going to sit on the dried bird poo. Finally in position, we realised that we had neglected to coerce an unsuspecting passer-by to take on the role of photographer. The holiday was great fun and lovely to all be together but I definitely need a holiday to get over the holiday. Stand by I will be off again soon.

The bird count was as follows: Canada Goose, Robin, Wren, Wood Pigeon, Blue Tit, Crow, Magpie, Mallard, Greylag Goose, Blackbird, Coot, Moorhen, Barnacle Goose, Pochard, Mute Swan, Great Tit, Swallow, Treecreeper (particularly excited by this one but too swift to photograph), Jay, Nuthatch, Magpie.